It Is To a Workout, Honey!

Grossly inappropriate (yet probably effective) workout device for women. Props to Kris K. for this nugget of "YES!"

I feel this trumps the previous champion of sexually-charged "workouts" -- the trampoline. The more your breasts bounce the more fat you burn, ladies!


EMBED-Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more free videos

Sued for Libel Because of a Tweet -- Next Up: Wrongful Termination Due to Your Boss Seeing You Beer Bong on Facebook

If we lived in any other age before this Social Mediaverse an instance like claiming your apartment has mold when it really doesn't would end with a simple "pay for the removal of it or move out" response from management pinned on your door.

But now, with the advent of such indispensable complaint avenues like Twitter, where you can air your grievances with the world in 140 characters or less, you get SUED for pissing off your landlord.

Really? You just HAD to take it there?

Read the full story here.

Ain't Love Grand?

These past few months have been a sort of whirl wind. Job lost, job gained. Unemployed, got creative and wrote a graphic novel. Wife lost...well, we're still working on what that's gained.

Which is sort of the thesis of this post, if you will.

What is love good for? Now, stick with me here. I'm not about to go on some sad rant about how "love sucks and I'll never fall into that trap again." This is just an interesting thought I had.

What has love brought us?

A treasure trove of art.
A concept of family.
An appreciation of all things beautiful.
Hope.
Romance.
Timeless love stories.
Just plain...joy for some.

Of course the list goes on, but let's get to what you all want to know -- what bad would I argue love breeds?

Well, more art, born as much from heartache as there is art created in bliss (Van Goth, anyone?).
How many people are killed each year as the result of love in crimes of passion?
Loneliness -- is it, honestly, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Try it sometime.
Depression.
Divorce lawyers.
Hope. (see what I did there?)
Titanic (don't even get me started)

I've come to realize recently that I, like I dare say most people, yearn to be wanted. Desire to be desired. What is love it if be not returned? You could compare it to a muted song. The reflection of a blind man. Or a sail with no breeze.

I have been single now almost six months and in that time I've encountered more run ins with love and loss than any time in the years prior that I'd been single. I've faced more than one instance of almost begging to be wanted, to be loved. Stay. Take me with you. Take a chance. All for not. I still combat them, mostly internally. I know a true weakness of mine is to be wanted, for someone to think of me when I'm not around and not having to wonder if they care. Does that make me...weak? To some, perhaps. But maybe I'm just typical -- I want to impact someone's life. Don't we all?

I've run from the opposite of not being loved. I was wanted passionately when someone saw the cross I tried to bear alone, extended a hand and said 'let me.' I refused, quite rudely. A fuse sparked and fired ever so briefly before I doused it with cold water before it could ignite. Why? Fear. Fear of getting too close. Fear of hearing promises from one person that had been broken by others. A faith lost in the kindness of others as a result of love. Armor, thick armor plated over me as a result of welcoming the vulnerability of love.

I have loved and I will love again. I welcome it. I don't curse love, I just find it tumultuous. But I suppose if it was easy, what would be the point? Love shouldn't be arranged, ordinary and predictable. There'd be no passion, no fire, no POINT. But the pain, I could do without. The games. The realizing that what's behind the curtain really isn't what you thought it was.

I've noticed that I search for love now. I never stopped. I'm the type of man the requires someone to love, to admire, to share with. Call me a sap. Call me a fool. Perhaps I am. But who's the bigger fool -- the man who gets burned by a flame and proceeds to live in the dark as a result of fearing he'll get burned again, or the man who gets burned and instead learns to keep his guard up around something so...volatile?

I suppose life's too short to spend alone. But at what point do you give up? When, if ever, is it time to stop hoping for a change, for someone to realize what's in front of them or what they've given up?

When is love the poison and when is it the cure?

If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Here's an interesting take on staying creative, gleaned from one of my favorite fiction characters of all time, Tyler Durden of Fight Club.

Follow this link to the 8 Rules of Innovation, as Tyler would have put it.

If you haven't seen Fight Club, here's a taste of Tyler's general philosophy.

How does a boat float when the captain has balls of steel?

A 17 year-old teenager from California, Zac Sunderland, spent more than a year at sea alone and became one of about 250 people in the entire world to ever successfully sail around the world. I'm sure the similar group, People Who Tried to Sail Around the World but DIED Trying is a much larger group. But, their annual reunions meet with far less conversation...seeing as they're all dead.

This kid even came about one curly butt hair away from getting jumped by pirates. PIRATES! Holy shit!

And what does he do? He calls his parents to ask their advice on what to do. His mom's response? (more importantly, how many times did he call only to leave a frantic "PIRATES, MOM! CALL ME BACK!!" voicemail?)

She told him "Load your gun and use it."

How'd you like to be put in hold after you tell your son to do THAT?

Lucky for him, the pirates never came close enough for Zac to quote Dirty Harry's famous "do you feel lucky, [pirate]?" line.

Read more about Zac and his story, that will surly get him laid for the next 50 years.

http://gimundo.com/news/article/teenager-zac-sunderland-completes-solo-sail-around-the-world/

'Tell All' A Must Read

According to his official website, Chuck Palahniuk's next book, Tell All, is already done. Why am I surprised? This guy has managed to release a book every May for years. He's had two feature films based off his novels (Fight Club and Choke) and at least four other books have been optioned as movies. He writes his ass off and I cannot wait to check this one out.

Apparently while caring for his mother this past year Chuck managed to pen not one but THREE novels. That's impressive. I'm sure each one is more warped and hilarious than the last.

More deets here: http://chuckpalahniuk.net/books/tell-all

Post 100 -- Transformation

Transformation is a funny thing. It doesn’t occur in a vacuum – void of any catalyst. If only it did, we’d all be the person we want to be effortlessly. But alas, much as a caterpillar endures time in a dense cocoon, so must we endure the pressures of life from time to time.

I feel I’ve transformed these past few months. This blog certainly has – from the whimsy and musings of a young copywriter to the more recent deep foray into sharing my life. Though much of the whimsy remains – no one likes a sour puss. But I’ve come what I consider quite a long way since starting this blog. I’ve worked my dream job. I’ve eloped. I’ve lived the urban life. I’ve lost a dream job. I’ve divorced. And I’ve regressed – coming full circle. It’s true that you never know what life has in store for you. You think you do, but things rarely go as planned. Personally…I like that.

Had my life gone according to my original plan I’d be sitting in Iraq right now manning a machine gun counting the days until my discharge from the Marine Corps. Or if they’d gone according to more recent plans I’d be living in Chicago. Maybe working, maybe unemployed still. Maybe married. Maybe not. I’ll never know. What I do know is that I feel I’ve made the most of what began as a bad situation. I’ve survived the rocky road of unemployment. The tumult of divorce. The initial embarrassment of moving back home. It happened and I accepted it. And given the circumstances I feel I’ve become the better for it. But I didn’t do it alone.

I feel I’ve transformed certainly on a personal level. I appreciate what I have much more. I take less for granted and work harder for what I want. I also feel I’ve overcome some professional hurdles as well by ending my unemployment after six months and penning a soon-to-be published graphic novel with two close friends. I plan to continue writing (at and away from the office) and pursuing my dream of being a published, successful author/screenwriter. All while I pursue my passion in capoeira – learning, teaching and traveling.

To transform heartache into something good, I feel, is no easy feat. But if I can do it anyone can. I’d never thought I’d accomplish what I have these past few months. Sure, I have good days and bad. I hit bottom. Hard. But I feel I’ve since stood up and dusted myself off and carried on.

I thank everyone who’s helped me along my way – my family, the Cookes, Erick, everyone in Axé Capoeira, Alaide, Kris K. and of course everyone who reads this blog. Thank you for listening. For sharing. And for letting me share some of myself.

Ridiculous Stock Photography Brings You: How Did He Convince Her?

"Aaaaaayyy! You believe that, Franky? Told you if I paid her enough the broad would let me do stuff to her."

Classy, no?

I don't know what's sadder -- that this has actually been downloaded and used by someone who needed a 'sexy' photo. Or that MORE THAN 100 people have downloaded it.

PS That woman doesn't look satisfied so much as it looks like she's faking asleep to run out the door as soon as Rico Suave eats a cheese sandwich and passes out. And after collecting the money off the dresser, of course.

Ridiculous Stock Photography Brings You: Solid Gold

.....And then this happened.

Yes, this is EXACTLY how I'd admire my gold bar. Just stare at it as if it's the only one in existence. Actually I'd be pondering how I could melt it down and smelt it into a solid gold bust of Michael Jackson and sell it to a14 year-old mega-fan in London for $10,000 on eBay. What? Too soon?

*This is the 99th post on Second Bill Thoughts, for those of you who haven't been counting. Tune in for some good old fashioned soul bearing and updates on my life for #100. Thanks for reading.