When one receives a letter from the Department of Homeland Security one expects to open said letter, immediately see the front door fall to the ground as SWAT agents pour in like it's the Neverland Ranch and get a black bag put over one's head before the envelope is even open.
Or is that just me?
Let's back up.
Returning from a trip out to see my sister and brother-in-law in Philadelphia, I attempted to check my luggage at the airport curb. And by that I mean a 'nice' man in a knit cap with at US Air patch sewn onto it STOLE my luggage...for a tip. "Where you goin'?" he asked politely. "Kansas City," I replied, eyeing my bag as if for the last time. He types my name and destination into the computer. "Oh..." he says. "Yeah, you gonna hafta go talk to the ticket agent." "Why?" I ask. "Because y'all name on the No Fly List."
WHAT?!
Well that'll explain why I haven't been able to print off a boarding pass in advance and put up with additional security for more than a YEAR. The baggage attendant and I head to the ticket counter (he's holding my bag hostage for a tip by this point) to see what the hell is going on. He tells the agent my name. Type type type. "Oh," quips the agent. "It seems your name closely matches a name on the No Fly List," she says.
No shit.....Didn't the bag attendant just TELL you that?
"How close is the match?" I ask.
"One letter off," she replies.
My mind immediately wanders to all the potential-threat Petricks running free in the country. The audacity...
And that was that. I showed my ID, got a boarding pass and got on the plane. No harm no foul, right?*
No. FOUL.
I am not a terrorist, convict or 'person of interest'. And I refuse to be treated as such. So in my RAGE, what do I do? I fill out a form on the TSA website...four months later.
What? I have a life...
After about a month of forgetting I even submitted a copy of my driver's license and passport to Homeland Security, I receive a letter from said department. Three paragraphs down, after 'procedure this' and '9/11 that' I see it:
"We conducted a review...where it was determined a correction to records was warranted, these records were modified to address any delay or denial of boarding that you may have experienced as a result of the watch list screening process."
Translation: funny story -- we thought you were a member of the IRA or some deadbeat who didn't pay child support. Sorry.
The sad thing is, there was no apology. No 'sorry for the mix up' or 'our bad' or 'scratch one off the list!' Of course, this is the government...we set the bar low, right? So, okay, no apology. At least MAYBE I can avoid extra security on my trip next week.
We shall see.
The moral of this story:
In its attempt to protect and serve, the US government goes 10 extra miles and screws innocent people over and refuses to apologize. Same dance, different song.
*I know what you're thinking, and NO, I did NOT tip the bag attendant, despite his persistence. Would you tip someone who just informed you you were a threat to fellow air travelers? Me thinks no.
2 comments:
As happy as I am that you are no longer a terrorist, and yes, I understand your inconvenience - but personally, I'd rather know that the air line employees are doing their job. I'd rather not die in a fiery inferno that's headed to the ground or into a building because someone didn't take the time to double check a searchable list. Blunt force and extreme heat just sound painful....
But that's just my "down home country, Bush lovin', hick" self.
Take it or leave it. ;)
Hope things are well with you.
I agree. Those do sound painful. I was just surprised to find out someone as mild-mannered as me made the list.
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