...I'd get stuck in time, circa ancient Greece. My battery-powered, pocket-sized time machine has died and there's not a charger or D cell battery to be invented this millennium!
Then I'd get colon cancer and they'd use THIS torture device on me -- an ancient Greek rectal speculum. Yeah, just the sight tightened my precious sphincter, too.
Apparently our ancient Greek ancestors did more than wear robes and found NAMBLA. It seems that in between orgies they invented certain institutions, such as modern LAW, the foundation for modern SCIENCE and modern MEDICINE.
But I don't care what Hippocrates contributed to future generations. I'd die before that rusty nail was used to examine my behind.
Take a look at more ancient medical tools here. One more reason I'm glad I was born in the 20th Century.
1. Sunny weather almost all year round (and unlike Florida no hurricanes. But there's still plenty of retired Americans lurching around). 2. No need for a car. Take a scooter or hoof it all over the city. That'll definitely loosen your pants. 3. Predator was filmed there. Enough said. 4. Amazing food. even the $2 fish on a stick sold on the beach was full of awesome. 5. This:
Back to the world from Mexico. The new wife and I took a honeymoon of sorts to PuertoVallarta, Mexico last week. I say "of sorts" because the trip was planned before our wedding and another couple joined us. So think part honeymoon part 'let's just get the hell outta the Midwest'.
Mexico was great. I won't bore you with the details of sun and surf or strolls along lamp-lit beaches at sunset. Nor will I be setting up the projector for the typical slide show. We did end up taking an absurd amount of photos (somewhere in the area of 800 -- I shit thee not). I do look forward to framing some of The J's great lens work.
For now enjoy about one tenth of photos we snapped and an even smaller sample of the great memories my new wife and I shared in Vallarta.
The wife and I near our condo's terrace overlooking Vallarta at sunset.
The Malecón downtown strip we visited nearly everyday.
And this was our bedtime story each night. Quite a fairytale.
I have a confession to make, Internet. I eloped with my girlfriend in Las Vegas this summer. I understand your stunned silence. Very unexpected news. But it's something we did for us. No, you weren't the only one not invited. We'll have a big to-do later when we can renew our vows and have everyone there. You still won't be there, Internet. but I'll post photos on you, because really that's all you're good for.
Holy shit. I don't know what to think of Tool's decision to hand over 3 master tracks to Activision for their latest installment of the Guitar Hero franchise out this October. For those who don't know, Tool is a mega band. They don't appear in music videos. They despise Hollywood (and California as a whole, going so far in one song as to sing about it detaching from the US and slipping into the depths of the ocean. If only...).
Tool is anti-establishment. They're progressive and have pioneered new musical directions for rock, alt and metal bands for the past 20 years. And with that contribution to music notwithstanding, I bet the average person cannot list 5 Tool songs. So why the hell are they on GHWT?
I have no idea. What I do know is that I will buy this game. I'm too much of a Tool fan to pass up drumming, strumming or singing along with their songs. I also like Guitar Hero regardless. I had dismissed rumored releases of GHWT set lists with Tool songs and a Tool venue attached. Hearsay. Lies. A prank supported by the band itself, even. Until this was released.
I think a lot of the "Tool faithful" as they're called, will get up in arms over this. Many have felt abandoned in the past 10 years by the band's evolution from screaming anger to melodic (love that word) tunes about existence and coping with death. They're still hard. Tool has melted my face live 4 times. I hope for a fifth before they all get too old to tour (drummer Danny Carey and front man Maynard James Keenan are both pushing 50). But regardless of how many "faithful" fans Tool has lost with this surprising turn I think they'll gain that many more. Especially younger people who may only know Sober thanks to its play on 96.5 The Buzz.
I'm still baffled that an anti-everything band, founded 20 years ago by men now nearing retirement age decided to pull a 180 and add their music to a video game. Either they've stopped caring or somebody mentioned to them how much money they stand to make in licensing and increased record sales. But for a band that managed to earn $10 million one year without touring or producing a record, something tells me there's an ulterior motive.
Regardless, when October rolls around I hope to be found playing like this for days and days. Kansas jersey and all.
This is a CNN video about an English company that provides catastrophic aid in boxes light enough for two people to carry. the catch is inside is temporary housing and immediate aid provisions for 10 FUCKING PEOPLE. Outstanding. This is the type of thinking the world needs more of. Not FEMA trailers. Not debit cards for people to misuse after a hurricane. Real aid. Portable shelter, cookware, food, netting -- essentials for survival for people who have to live in the most impoverished lands that are constantly punched in the face by nature. Good fucking job, lads.
What should I assume when Amazon.com sends me an email chock full of portable generators? Perhaps its all-knowing, all-powerful ability to remember all the shit people buy from the retail site also enables it to not only predict other items I may like to purchase (books about advertising, a new laptop bag perhaps) but also predict the FUTURE.
Surely this is an attempt by Amazon.com to subtly inform customers that a nuclear holocaust is about to ensue. Of course, we need to keep this to ourselves to avoid panic in the streets, riots and people skipping showers. The world will soon be thrust into a barren, cold and unforgiving wasteland, populated by roving bands of murderous cannibals who want what's in your shopping cart, a la The Road. But, if you buy one (or 6 -- shipping's free!) generator from Amazon.com you, loyal customer, will prosper. And -- BONUS -- those generators will keep you connected to the Internets where you'll find more great deals on plywood, nails, .556mm hollow point rounds, chicken wire, The Office season 4 on DVD, SPAM, binoculars, camel skin coats and duct tape.
Thank you, Amazon.com, for sparing me and other chosen to live and rebuid. Thanks to your clairvoiance humanity will survive and live to shop another day.
...I'd get stuck in time, circa ancient Greece. My battery-powered, pocket-sized time machine has died and there's not a charger or D cell battery to be invented this millennium!
