The Man Himself

As the whole planet is now aware, George Carlin died of heart failure Sunday. A true loss. I was lucky enough to have found Carlin's comedy when I was in my early teens, allowing for a good 10 years of laughs. I have to say I didn't always find him funny. But he was always right. About everything. Baseball sucks compared to football. Catholicism is warped. America loves war. Children are over protected. Censorship is hypocritical. Always right.

I had the good fortune of seeing Carlin live while attending KU in 2004. It seemed odd that then, in his late 60s, Carlin would be doing a campus tour. But he did. I went. It was fantastic. I was 40 feet from a (then) living comedy legend.

Carlin will be remembered for his groundbreaking comedy. His arrest. His rubber face. But I'll also remember his willingness to challenge authority. He stood up and openly mocked EVERYTHING. Nothing was sacred. He opened peoples eyes, brought up uncomfortable issues and made us laugh about them together. I'll remember how brilliant his thoughts were, how relevant they'll ALWAYS be, and lastly how the hell he did such long, verbose rants with out ever needing cues, pauses or breaks. He just let it flow. Here's to The Man Himself. Rest in Piece. The sun has taken you home.

He's already been killed and his horn ground up and sold as a love potion

Look at that! A unicorn! Turns out they are, in fact, real. Fancy that. And, according to this article, they've been around (in obscurity -- under rocks and in clouds and such) for quite some time. This little fella was born on a nature preserve in Italy recently.

Honestly I'm not impressed. I had higher hopes for the reveal of a mythical creature chased for centuries for it's horn. First of all, I expected a PONY! A white, shiny, MAJESTIC steed! A valiant, chest-pushed-out hero atop and craggy mountain cliff, wind in his mane.

This is Bambi with bed head.

Nature, next time you decide to reveal one of your age-old secrets to Man, put some thought into it. You've already fucked up the unicorn once before.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! NOT. A. PONY. IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE JUST JAMMED A SPIKE IN THEIR SLIPPERY, BLUBBERY MELONS AND SAID "UNICORN!"

When it's time to pull Pegasus out from your bag of tricks, Nature, don't disappoint. A winged sheep is NOT A PONY! Nor is that frightening flying Clifford-esque dog from The Neverending Story.

Nightmares persist to this day.

"...Well how much is left for the ring?!"

Ok, by now this may be old news but I wanted to offer my take on the Helzberg/Barkley-billboard-proposal FIASCO!

This has been made a big deal in local and national (AdRants) news and blogs this week. Short synopsis: everyone thought the billboard above, in midtown KC, was a sincere proposal. Turns out Barkley was behind it the whole time, and after about 2 weeks wrapped new artwork on the board with the message "That guy proposes on a billboard. Regular guys go to Helzberg."

This all came up in the Kansas City Star on Monday. People got sorely bent out of shape. The words "offended", "fraud" and "trick" were used repeatedly. Fraud? Really? It's an ad. Even if it were genuine, "John" is still advertising his love for "Jennifer".

My issue with this...issue is that people got so worked up over something so trivial as advertising. I love advertising (and so should you!) but I know it's significance in the universe. I'm not a heart surgeon, but I'll help you find one with the cunning use of a BILLBOARD. People complained that this stunt by Helzberg shit all over something genuine, like a public proposal. Be honest, though. Who really thinks a stunt like buying a billboard or proposing on the Jumbo tron or sky writing isn't a total waste? Traditional (and discreet) = good.

People, advertising is not the devil. We don't FORCE you to buy anything. Ever. We persuade. Sometimes we have to sell something that sucks (like mortgages) and that's when crappy dancing skeletons arrive on your web browser. We present the facts (yeah, facts) about products and services so YOU can make a decision about whether or not to buy it. Advertising pays for your favorite television shows. The newspaper. Your favorite pro sports teams. Chances are your church advertises to boost its congregation. Advertising makes the world go 'round by keeping the cogs and wheels oiled with cash so you have the PRIVILEGE of skipping ads on your DVR.

Come to terms with the fact that advertising is a legit business. We inform. We introduce. We entertain. Because without us, what would people talk about on Monday after the Super Bowl? The game? Bah!